All this time, well, probably not all of it (when my mind wanders, my scores go down in GH); anyway, I keep thinking about the situation here and what I wrote about the family not pitching in. I got a real rant going in my head. I even gave mom a sample of it this afternoon. But, a few minutes ago a much more quiet voice started coming in, and different thoughts started taking over.
Ours is not a family unwilling to help. I would never have been able to move without the gargantuan skills and hours of able help of all my family. Every one pitched in. Marti was an absolute wizard in the kitchen. There was never any doubt that they would be there, for every little bit that was needed, on either end. So there's a lot of flaw in my condemnation of them, and even though I didn't accuse them to their faces, I ask forgiveness of you that read this that took any of that to heart and were hurt or offended. I was both wrong and out of bounds. I think there is more to this than my stupid rant.
I think, and this is a new one, and maybe as likely to be as off as the other, that it has to do with mom and dad being mortal. Dad is not infallible. It's hard to see them as the elderly couple they really are. It took me actually hearing, really hearing in my head that dad was nearly 80 and taking care of an Alzheimer's patient and mom. And mom's health hasn't been good for years, but has anyone seen that the only thing she seems to actually be doing around the house is cooking? And that's only because Uncle Everett will eat what she cooks. Dad is hard to live with sometimes because of his stroke, his memory, his temper because of Uncle John and his denial of his weaknesses, and mom thinks (and she's probably right) that no one believes this but her. She's pretty much given up on everything. She has no interests anymore and doesn't even care to try to diet or exercise. Tho she does some shopping, dad does the most. She is 72 years old now, and I don't know who is in more fragile health, really, mentally or physically.
That is the picture that struck me, the one that caused me to stay. I can't really blame the family for not seeing that because I've been away for a year and sometimes it takes a little distance to see the truth, or the changes of time. We're talking mortality here. The fact that we may be within a few years of losing one or both of them. That's what I was railing against, I think, not the family.
The time will come, one way or another, but we could make it so much easier for them, and we should, but it would mean treating them as elderly. Treating them not like the strong decisive heads of the family as they have always been, but as the declining elders who should be allowed the rest they've earned. Do you realize that mom and dad have taken in Great Grandma, Uncle Chuck and now Uncle Everett, who I am sure will die in their house, during their marriage? Can you imagine that? Not one but three family members have become totally dependent on mom and dad for care that should really be provided by a nursing home but were taken care of by them. When did they ever say no? (Hopefully to Uncle John. I told them if he moves in I'm gone the next day.)
Anyway, again, I'm sorry for my selfish ranting - I just don't want to lose them any sooner than I have to and every extra stressor takes just that much more of them away. I know we'll lose them, I'll just never be ready.
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