well, it's done

   I e-mailed Marilyn last night, postponing my trip for a while. She e-mail right back, sympathetic and understanding. I slept but when it was time for my morning medication decided to stay up and talk to mom and dad. Boy, were they surprised to see me up AND perky.

   I told mom that I had already told Marilyn and gotten her support, and mom said she had mentioned it to dad, so he knew it was coming. So, when he had a free minute, I called him over and he sat down and I told him that at least until further notice, I would be staying on to help out him and mom. He reached over and gave me a hug and a kiss. This from a man who seldom asks for help. 

   He was most grateful for the fact that now mom would be able to get out of the house and have someone to do things with. I thought that was sweet. I told him that I could also watch what he does with Uncle Everett so if he does have to be away, Uncle Everett would be more comfortable having me around.

   Since it was early in the morning, I decided to go to WalMart and look for some new jeans. The ones I have are in pretty bad shape and I just don't like them. I asked mom if there were any groceries we needed and she just couldn't think off the top of her head, so we did a barnstorming session and managed to get a list of easy, 90 second meals to have on hand and a few other things. At least this puts off a big shopping trip.

   Since I was out early, I got home before it was too hot, but I'm still putting up with whatever is going on in my gut. I had a Starbucks iced caffee mochaa a few days ago, and it gave me stomache, cramps, etc. (hate the etc,). I still have to be really careful about what I eat or drink right now. I was almost through the list and the cramps started coming back, so I was done. I got the stuff to the car and high tailed it home.

   On the way, I called Josh to tell him. He did make a good point that I've been calling daily changing things with every call. He was happily surprised that mom was coming, then understood when she couldn't, and now understands why I'm staying. He said not to worry about Sheba and they'll keep an eye on my house. He is such a great guy. I have no worries, except about the mail that's accumulating, about what's going on in Moore, and that I miss them sooo much. I missed Alex's birthday. I didn't intend on doing that. I managed to have a text chat with her the morning of her birthday but it's not the same. 

   So I get home and put all the stuff away and lay down on the narcotic couch to watch the US Women's Open (golf) but find out that Annika is out of the running, so we ran around the channels a bit, and that's pretty much all I remember until the evening. 

  Mom was talking about changing her schedule to get on mine, but I guess I don't know what that is yet. I'll have to wait and see. I can feel it, I'm feverish tonight. So, I think I'll call it quits. More anon.

Alzheimer's

   I have just stayed one day too long and one day long enough. One day too long to happily go on my way home, which is all I have wanted to do, and would still love to do. And one day long enough to really have the truth sink in about the situation my parents are having to live in.

  Uncle Everett was unusually clingy to dad today, wanting to know where he was every time dad left his sight. He slept in his chair so heavily and so long that mom was pretty worried. He had his head back and there was what looked to be a growing bruise under his chin and mom was worried that he had somehow fallen without them knowing about it, so she mentioned it to dad and he gently took a cloth and wiped at it. It was an accumulation of food from several days, but dad still had him open his mouth and check his teeth and tongue in case he had fallen.

   Rob and Marti came over (I was asleep on the narcotic couch all day since I couldn't sleep all night, so I barely heard them), I guess happily talking about their plans for the month. After they left Uncle Everett came out and asked if they had left. They didn't even say hi to him, I guess. I know how it is - I usually say hi when he says hi to me.

   He went to bed and mom heard a thump, I think, and got worried and sent dad back to check on him. We realized a long time later that dad still hadn't come back. Mom went back to check on him and heard dad talking to him about a biopsy being painful (Everett is very concerned about his medical stuff).

   When she came back, we started talking about the reality of her leaving; she had been doing some hard thinking since the stress test. Dad only wanted Glen there for Everett's lunch but Glen thankfully was there longer. Mom, who really knew this, but didn't want to, started to see that there was no respite care for dad to be away, despite his protestations. No one comes to help him. I asked her what it would have done to dad if he had gone in there, while she was gone, and Everett had died. She hadn't thought of that. She had asked dad what the doctor said about his condition and the doctor says he's in the final stages of Alzheimer's. He's dying. Everett is dad's only little brother, and he lovingly, beautifully and patiently takes such gentle care of him, not wanting to put any more stress on mom, who he also takes care of. I'm sure that he wants mom to go, so she can be away from what's going on, but also so that he has one less thing to take care of. 

   Here's where the reality hits. My family is going to the cabin for the Fourth of July. My PARENT'S cabin, for the Fourth of July, giving no thought to the fact that mom and dad can't go. They keep telling him to bring Uncle Everett up there, but they have no idea what that really means. Then, at the end of the month, Glen and Corky and Rob and Marti are going to go camping at a lake up in Flagstaff, again, leaving mom and dad alone in the Valley.

   When I was here there were people, the girls, were in and out all the time. Now mom is so lonely and doesn't see anyone. I don't hold any illusions that it has anything to do with me. I figured they just moved it to another house and mom felt like an outsider and it was hard on her and they let it be that way. Anyway, now I think it's probably because of Everett. He's like the elephant in the living room. He sleeps there all day, like the living dead, but he does have moments of awareness. He's pretty impressed with the way Ozzy begs, for instance. 

   I'm not blameless. When Aunt Lanora died of the same thing, I wasn't over at Glen and Corky's house, or when she was living with Sherry, offering any of them any respite care either. But I wasn't using their vacation house. That kinda burns me a little. Aunt Lanora did recognize me now and then, but the oddness of her actions and the obvious diminishing of her capacities wasn't something that I wanted to see, so I didn't put myself in the position of seeing her deteriorate. Maybe I've grown up since then. 

   I'll have to talk to them, and I'm hopefully going to do it individually. Mom doesn't think that dad really wants her to go. She really wants to go to Oklahoma, but I think she's really just lonely and would like to get out and do something every now and then. She doesn't want to leave dad alone. Dad wants mom to be happy but doesn't want to be alone. I think what needs to happen is that this time they need some help. They've been there every time I've needed them, and this time I think they really need me. In fact, I can hardly think of a case where the two of them could need me more. I think that staying a little while longer and postponing my plans is a little thing I can give them that would mean a lot to all of us. I hope dad lets me. Well, he can hardly kick me out of this spare room after all. I think. 

   The next part of my vacation is to drive (after resting up in Moore) to West Virginia and spend some time with Marilyn, Glen's sister. It was her mother who died of Alzheimer's. I've put off going to see her for quite a while and am so excited about seeing her, and I'm not looking forward to the call about not making it again, but it's a discussion I'm looking forward to. 

   When Aunt Lanora started to go downhill, she first stayed with my cousin Sherry, who had her mix in with family life. I remember going over there to visit Sherry and it was a zoo and pandemonium and she had Aunt Lanora's door open up to it and she would wander in and out. We had a nice visit and I saw the kids and all the animals (Sherry always has the most interesting places to live and they're always full of life, and there was Aunt Lanora, a full member). When I was getting ready to go, Aunt Lanora walked by and looked me in the eye and recognized me, I could tell, and said that I should come by more often and visit. This was at a time when she often couldn't remember who Sherry was. I've never forgotten that moment.

   When Sherry moved, Aunt Lanora's care was taken over by Glen and Corky, who gradually ended up building an apartment for her in the backyard, air conditioned, and that's the way she spent the rest of her life, alone in that apartment, in the backyard, locked in so she wouldn't walk away and get lost. Her needs were taken care of. Her needs.

   So I think that Marilyn and I might have a good discussion, and I think she might understand my dilemma. I hate having to postpone again. It's beginning to look like my little house in Moore is a staging area, but this is the right thing to do. I'll let you know what happens.

Dad's stress test

   This is how the big day went: (and if you want to know how he is you'll have to read ahead but you'll miss all the fun)

   We watched Cloverfield last night (great movie) and then dad went and started getting his stuff ready for the next day. You have to take a light lunch and a caffeinated soda. He came in and said he was making his two sandwiches and did we want him to make one for us? So mom starts on him about what designates a LIGHT lunch as he stands there with a sheepish, innocent look on his face. 

   Right after Cloverfield, I fell asleep, (man, I don't know what it is with me and couches - like a narcotic) and when I woke up mom had Solaris on. Another great movie. I told her a bit about it cause she had missed the first ten minutes, and she debated about watching it cause it was two and a half hours long. We both knew we were both going to be up anyway, so that's how it got to be 3am when I finally made it to my room, blogged, gave Ozzy his treats, took my meds, yadda, yadda.

   I was actually asleep when suddenly I heard banging around in the kitchen and the hall light was turned on. Actually, Ozzy, my little terrier, woke me up with his "defending the castle" bark, which he wouldn't stop doing as long as the banging in the kitchen continued. I looked at my clock, which, like the rest of America, is on my phone, and it was 4:19 am. This was horribly ironic and kinda funny that I was actually asleep on a morning before I had to be up at 6 am, when I got to sleep at three, and I had actually been woken up. I was kinda amused, but only because I slept until 5 pm the day before, so I wasn't lacking in the sleep department.

   The light stayed on and the noises continued, so I bravely snuck to the door to see who I might be dealing with, and I saw Uncle Everett at the kitchen table turning off the light. I had heard microwave noises, so I figured he had gotten up and gotten himself breakfast because he knew he would have to it for himself. But not at 4. He usually does it at 8. So, I went back to bed and tried to sleep but eventually the alarm went off and I just got up.

  I saw dad in the kitchen, so I toasted a bagel and had a cold lemonade (I know, doesn't it just make you shake your head, but Cindy's doctor told her to have lemonade every day to keep away the kidney stones. I guess it doesn't have to be breakfast..., but it sounded good at the time. I thought I was doing good to have something to eat.)

   I finished and went to get the stuff I had put together the night before. This is what I decided I needed to take with me, so I wouldn't be bored: My laptop, with a 25 foot blue ethernet cord, a journal and a calendar, three movies, count them - three (Wild Hogs, Family Guy Star Wars and National Treasure Two (I thought it was important to keep it light), a Self magazine that was actually mom's (so it was handy that I brought it for her), my iPod, my pocket sized Guitar Hero, my smart phone that doesn't have a sim card (cause it has my favorite game on it) that I replaced to use a cheap phone people can actually hear me on , Altoids (I'm not sure why cause I don't actually like them but I thought a need might arise. I had the room. I think that covers it. 

   So we got to the building where the process starts and they call dad back. He decided to wear mom's special shoes with his orthotics so his feet would be comfortable during the treadmill part. He goes away and I pull out my first line of defense against boredom - my smart phone with Bubble Buster, my favorite game. Mom watches me and I can tell she's jealous and wants a favorite game that she can be obsessed with for hours, too, so I hand her my phone and, well, it doesn't work so easy for her and she presses the wrong buttons, but things smooth over so I offer to look on T-Zones to see if I can find it cause it's a T-Mobile game. So I take her phone and admire it all over again. It really is a much more beautiful phone than the gold Dolce and Gabbana phone that she had that broke. She has the most beautiful Razr phone I've ever seen, midnight blue with a special grip alloy and I haven't seen one like it in a store yet.

   After I say that, she asks to see my new phone and I know just what she's thinking. She looks at the screen on mine and squiiiints to be able to read anything on the screen, and then tells me that. She still offers to trade phones with me, which I think is a terribly sweet gesture, but I tell her that I love that she has the most beautiful phone that I've ever seen, that's what I wanted and I want her to keep it. That's the whole idea. 

   So I get on T-Zones and go looking for games for her and we find some and I don't load them right and I have to go do it again, and find some, at least one for sure, that she really likes - Text Twist. Word games with mom are a sure thing. So she starts playing her game and I realize I can do the same thing with my new phone (ack, my phone bill this month!) and get a couple of games my own self.

   By this time, dad comes out from his first part, sits down with us, catheter in his hand and says that mom's shoes aren't going to work very well - "too sloppy." For some reason today, I had decided to wear shoes and socks, and wore the shoes I got when I went with Alex to Mid West city's Payless (another story). They are really cool looking, but better than that, they are unbelievably comfortable. So, I whipped them off and gave them to dad and told him to try them on (the benefit of a family with big feet). He put them on and said they felt good and fit better and offered mom's shoes to me. I made the sign of the cross with my fingers and I think I hissed a little (even mom hates those shoes. They were specially made to help her feet but they took no account for styling. This year she has some very cool looking tennis shoes.) So we put the "sensible shoes" back in the car and I spent the rest of the morning in my socks.

   We then found out we had to go over to the next building, second floor for the next part, so I picked up my back pack, which was nearly as heavy as my purse, which I had wisely left at home, and walked next door, me in my black socks, and got to the second floor and waited. We talked, I think about Ireland, which dad always wistfully talks about taking me to, and then his name was called. By that time mom was hungry so we asked how much time we had, about a half hour, and went looking for food, Well, mom wanted to find me a Starbucks, but she really needed food. So we walked downstairs, and it was getting a bit warmer now, and I was still in black socks, so I gave her the keys to open the car - she almost suggested bring me the car, but she couldn't drive my Jetta and I think that truth hit her about the time she said that and thought better of that suggestion, so she just opened the car as I walked around in the shady spots.

   We found a Sonic which has a really good breakfast burrito, and went across and found the Starbucks. It was crowded and had no parking spots, so I was just going to go, but as I got to the street, a funeral was just coming to the light, right in the direction I was going. I looked behind me and someone was pulling out of Starbucks. It must be a sign. So I pulled in and got my usual iced caffe mocha and we went back to the second floor where dad was waiting for us, so we all walked back to the first building where dad and I shared my burrito and his one light sandwich (it was almost more lettuce than anything else, so I think it qualified). Mom had eaten hers in the car as we toodled about.

   By that time I had long ago put the back pack away, realizing the phone would keep me plenty entertained, if not just talking to mom and dad. Besides, I was tired of lugging the stupid thing around if we were going to do this much walking. I'll bet we did more walking that he did on the treadmill! Anyway, we went over to the second floor, again, and were sitting and talking and this lady sitting across from us was getting the biggest kick out of us, like we were some comedy act, although she did eventually disappear. It was around then I realized my Starbucks days are in the past. I was hit with cramps that would not be ignored, nor would I have. I still sorta feel them, If that's what coffee does to me, then fine - it's an amicable split, cause it isn't worth that pain or any of the rest of it. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Except for this, I think I'm going to have to look more closely at anything that I interpret as a "sign."

   I think they finally gave us the all clear from the second floor. Dad came out smiling and said he was done. We asked when he would know the results and he said they told him in about a week. Oh, well, we hadn't counted on that one. We figured it would be good and go, or bad and stay. Ultimately we decided that if it turns out that anything needs to be done mom is only two hours away by plane. 

   So, I think mom is packed already. Fine with me, I thought I would be home by, like May 21 or 22, just before my stress test, This has turned into a trip that's building itself day by day, but each day I've been here has been important, and has given me another chance to do something I wouldn't have had time for.

   Oh, one more thing. The reason Uncle Everett was up so early was because he was very agitated that dad was going to be gone and he was alone. It turned out he took all his night time pills by the time we all woke up. We finally convinced dad to have Glen come over. Dad was only going to have him come over at lunch, but mom and I, I think, convinced (I don't think Glen needed the convincing to come over sooner), I told mom I was going to keep Ozzy in my room in case Uncle Everett decided to go for a walk and left the door open or some other such scenario, and she was relieved. She had been worrying about it. While we were out getting Starbucks, Glen called mom, and when I got in the car she hands me the phone and Glen said that he didn't want to tell mom this, but could he let Ozzy out of the room while he was there because he has ripped up the carpet at the door and was working on the door itself. Uh oh. I said oh yes and hung up and told mom. She said, no problem, it's just a thing.

   We got home and got a big Ozzy welcome and went to look at the room and sure enough, he had pulled the carpet and padding back two or three feet from the door. It looked pretty impressive. Glen followed after me with a very serious kinda "look what Ozzy hath wrought" look on his face, but I got in the room, put the pieces of the pad back in place, laid the carpet back down and it looked fine to me. Just need to sweep up the odd pieces that made it into the hall and it's all good. Then, according to Glen, when he did get out, he made a beeline for the couch and sat looking out the window and whined all morning. Ah, that's my boy. If mom was home it wouldn't have been that way, or probably even dad, but he doesn't really know who he was with, so I understand it, but it couldn't have been too much fun for Glen. I don't think I'll ask him to babysit Oz anytime soon. I think I know the answer already.

   So that was the big day. Dad took Glen home, Everett went with him so he could be with dad. Mom started worrying about how she could leave dad alone with Everett, who really needs 24 hour care. Glen knows that now, and maybe will lend a hand with mom gone. He's a caring and compassionate man, a good guy, and at least will have some ideas for help, between he and Corky. They cared for Aunt Lanora, his mother, as she died from Alzheimer's so there couldn't be a better authority for Dad to listen to. Mom said, last thing before I fell asleep on the narcotic couch, that she was ready to go. We'll see how I feel when I wake up. I'm so ready to go home. I really miss Oklahoma. The one thing that hasn't worked out is that I've been trying to get to see Jan for two days now and Royal's flying schedule has really messed that up. I have a couple of things for her, so one way or another I have to find a way to see her. But maye, hopefully, my next post could be from OK.

stress test tomrrow

   Dad's stress test is tomorrow. He seems to be in really good spirits about it, mom is a little more apprehensive. I slept good today, and as I didn't sleep last night and got up with a migraine, so after I took my replax, I finally got up at some time after 5pm. Actually, I think I'm going to have to take another one tonight (3pm) cause I feel one coming on and we have to be up in 3 hours. 

   We're going to be there around 4 hours. I think it's a 3 or 4 part test. I haven't decided if I should try taking my computer with me or not. I might conceivably find an internet port and it might be fun having it. I was supposed to be spending this time looking up stuff on medline like I did last night but Nate sent me a message on FaceBook, and I was so excited that I wrote right back.

   I don't think they've found the whole problem of what's going on. I've been on so many meds that you're not supposed to be on long term that I'm afraid that the consequences are starting to show up. But, Dr. Hsieh seems to be very sharp and I'm looking forward to giving her the cd of the er visit and seeing what her take on it is. There's a lot of things I read that just don't jibe with the classic gallbladder attack. I may be the odd one - I usually am anyway, but I had no nausau. I even had nausea with kidney stones. I think that's odd. Everyone else with gall stones was throwing up like crazy. Well, now that's for another day. I need to get at least a little sleep. Later.

hmmm, where to start?

   This is getting really old - I've had enough and I want it to be over. If I stomped my foot and pouted a little do you suppose it would work a little better? Oh... I haven't actually told you anything yet, how sooooo like me. In fact, I'll tell you the way Josh got it.

   I sent him a text message on ... .... one morning this week- Monday?, and told him I didn't want him to worry but that I had gone to the ER early in the morning and it turned out to be gallstones, but I was okay. A couple of hours later Alex called me and we talked some but I never heard from Josh. I thought that was odd considering how thoughtful Josh always is.

 

   I decided to call him that night, mostly just to hear his voice and say good night and he asked me how I was feeling and I said better now and I said it was a night of firsts for me, and he asked me what I meant. I said, well, I had never called 911 for anyone else much less for me before. He said. "You called 911? Why?" I told him that I was in a lot of pain an couldn't make it from one end of the house to the other not to mention the cold sweat and back pain. Then I told him it was the first time I rode in an ambulance. He said, "You went to the hospital in an ambulance!?" I said, well, yeah, the guys were there and all and you get in much faster. 

   I don't think I got to tell him about the CT scan cause he was pretty upset by then. He said that he had no idea it was that serious - he couldn't tell from the text message. He explained that Alex's mom has been going to the ER a lot with the dizziness problems she's been having and he was thinking of it more like an urgent care visit. He was so upset and apologetic. I felt so bad. He couldn't stop apologizing for the misunderstanding - he was really busy at work and had Alex make sure I was okay and when it turned out I was, he said I was on his mind all day, but he didn't think it was something like this. 

   I think I finally convinced him I forgave him, that it wasn't a problem, that I felt bad for not making it clearer and we hung up. It must have been less than an minute or two later when the phone rang again and it was Josh. He asked me, if anything like that ever arises again, to leave him a voice mail. If he is busy he could check it later but there are inflections he can hear in my voice that he just couldn't get on a text message. He was apologizing and I was apologizing and I was tearing up cause I knew there was a reason that I didn't hear from him. That is SO not like Josh. If he knew, he would have called.

   

I wasn't exactly playing the martyr, but I was trying to keep him from worrying, and I can't do that any more. He's a man, and I can't keep the world from him. He's more than ready to handle the world. In fact, it's time I realize that he's the one to take on the job of worrying. I've tried to keep my medical stuff generally private so he wouldn't worry, cause I'm his only parent, but I can't do that any more. 

   In fact, that's how we ended the conversation. He said that we needed to work on our communication. He made me promise to let him know what was going on. He needs to know more about what's going on with me so these things don't come as such a big surprise.

Well, maybe not THIS particular thing. Now you know how I spent Tuesday morning from midnight to sunup. They eliminated heart problems pretty quickly, so I guess there's not much point in rescheduling the one back home. The Dr. said I had a few stones but my gallbladder wasn't inflamed, I had a CT scan because the tortuous ultrasound (I thought they were supposed to be benign?) didn't show enough. I was in pain (but then again, aren't I always in some kind of flippin pain), not just the right back ribs this time, but, as they put it, belly pain. It was the belly pain that worried me at home cause I couldn't straighten up (really, no easy jokes at a time like this) to walk back to my bedroom. It was scary.

   

   The hospital staff were nice, except for the one nurse, after the doctor said I could have more morphine if I needed it, just laughed at me when I asked for it, saying 'Dude!" I kid you not. Everyone else was great. The left me with a cd to take home to my doctor with all the documentation and film on it. Mom was shocked when she asked if I was going to open it and I said no. Overwhelming curiosity is not one of my vices. But she's fascinated by medical stuff - well she's got an overwhelming curiosity for life, and was immediately on the internet as soon as she could and was gathering information. The official diagnosis for the incident was biliary colic. I'm 51 and still colicky.

   So, what have I learned from this round at the hospital? First of all, I didn't even attempt to drive myself - I think that's a big one. I think I learned to identify when I'm in trouble a little sooner, and when you're asking for morphine, rate your pain a little higher than a 6.

movie day

   Trying to keep all quiet and all, mom and dad and I spent last night, mostly, and all of today (that was left after I finally got up) watching the movies I brought for Michele and I to watch. We didn't watch as many last night because my cousin's kids came over and visited with us for the evening. They are really getting to be quite grown up. #1 Son will soon be off to Hong Kong for several months with his 20-something-year-old uncles and his grandfather. That will be quite the adventure, I would think. He is a very handsome guy, very quite and only kinda shy, but not painfully so. Only Daughter is very tall and thin and came in looking like a model. As we were talking, she remembered my ferret, Zoe! She couldn't have been very old when I had her. I saw the pictures that my cousin put on her blog today of Only Daughter, now that her sister has dyed her hair for her, or, I guess it would be more appropriate to say, highlighted. The first picture of the blog I thought WAS her mother's sister, they looked so much alike.

   After their aunt took them to her house to stay for a couple of days, we finished watching the episode of Torchwood we were watching then went to bed. Today we started up with more Torchwood, The Last Mimsey, and the last in the Die Hard series. I actually brought 13 movies, counting the first season of Torchwood as one, so we have much more watching to do.

   I've gone back to three topamax twice a day, and to taking oxycodone (an increased dose) whenever I need it, which is mostly at night. I just usually don't take them during the day. I did something to the bottom of my foot cause I have a lump you can see along with redness and bruising. Probably from walking on dog bones, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

   It's pretty much a sure thing now that I'm staying until after dad has his procedure. I talked it over with Josh and he agreed with me. I'll have to see it I can reschedule my stress test on Monday morning. I also have to coordinate with Marilyn and see where our plans for the rest of the summer leaves us. 

   I just can't think about time tables until I know that dad is going to be okay. I remember what happened last time he went in for one - he had a quadruple bypass immediately after the stress test. I just don't really feel comfortable making plans until I know he's okay.

the day of changes

   After having to call off my plans with Annie yesterday because of a migraine, I just took the rest of the day off. You know, this is just like me. I very carefully talked to my doctors, both of them, to prepare for this trip, so I wouldn't get migraines and would feel good the entire trip. And it worked. No, it didn't, you say. Yes, it did, I say, until I started messing with it AGAIN. The rheumatologist increased the medication for my lupus, and my other doctor got me on a higher dose of topamax and on an ACE inhibitor. I was really feeling good. So good, in fact, that I thought I didn't need that high of a dose of topamax, so right after the wedding I took it down from 300mg to 200mg. Gee, and look what happens a week later. When the FRAK will I ever learn!?!?! I was really doing well, too. All I can do now is take the proper dose and wait for things to settle down. I think that's what got me, really, that 300mg is above the theraputic dose for migraines, but I guess that's what it takes for me.

   So, I actually slept last night and was ready for Annie when she called this morning, but she called to tell me that she couldn't go. She had an allergic reaction to a medication and would have to reschedule. Ironic. I took it as one more rest day to get things back to "normal." After I hang up from Annie, my mother comes in and sits down to tell me that they, mom and dad, just got back from the cardiologist and he has to have a stress test on the 27th, and she feels strongly that she needs to be here for him. I agree. She wanted to be there with me for mine, but I don't think mine will amount to much and feel that his has much more implications than mine. So, she won't be driving back to Oklahoma with me. 

   Not long after that, while I was still in bed (well, that was pretty easy to do cause that's where I spent most of the day, sleeping off the medication I took yesterday), I got a call from Marilyn. She's going to have foot surgery, either she's having it next week or she's finding out more about it next week. But, she's not showing her horse on the circuit. But, and this is kinda odd for me, she is going to lease someone else's horse and show it at the horse show. I guess it would be a lot less work that way. But, like she said, she doesn't heal fast and she's got a wedding to plan for in November, and foot injuries do not heal fast anyway. So this is going to take some thinking and discussing anyway.

   So, just like that, things changed quite a bit today. Tomorrow is likely going to be my last poker game. I was planning on leaving Friday, but my cousin would like me to get together with her kids while they're here, and I would like that, too. I'm really curious too see them now as neo-adults. So, I have to figure out my time frame for the trip home, and make sure I'm well rested for it, and it would be nice if I was staying up all night at the time, but that's not happening. The one time I would like to be staying up all night, and right now it's 11pm and all I want to do is sleep. Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.

taking a day off

   The family got together at my brother's house tonight to open Jenny and Paul's wedding presents, and I was planning on going, and told them on Sunday I was going. But, as I was incessantly rubbing my ring finger because of the tiny blister starting to form, and later as the back of my hand started to break out in blisters, I realized today that I really needed a day to rest. I will have to go out in the heat again tomorrow, but for just one day I needed to just rest. I've been going non-stop since I've been here, not that I'm complaining, because that's what it's taken to see everyone I've seen. 

   However, the down side of my decision, as I learned when mom and dad got home, my cousin Sherry, who lives in Idaho, with whom I've just gotten in contact with again after years, has sent her two oldest children to Tempe for a visit, #1 Son and Only Daughter, and they were there tonight. I am pretty disappointed that I didn't get a chance to say hello to them and see what they look like after all these years. Mom said that Only Daughter is taller than she is, she thinks, and when she went to hug her, mom whispered in her ear how pretty she was. The pictures Sherry has of her on her website certainly back that up. #1 Son has graduated now and is off to Hong Kong for a big adventure. I don't know if I'll get another opportunity. I'm sorry, Sherry. I really wanted to say hi to them and talk to them a bit. If another chance opens up I'll try again.

   I know that my parents really wanted me to stay with them a bit longer, and having Ozzy here with them is helping their grief with Hank, I hope, but I really wasn't ready to leave Michele's house. I miss her already. We were talking about me staying here and she was saying that I wasn't a difficult guest and I said I tried, and that's not really true - I didn't try hard. Her home feels like my second home, and I know Michele better than a lot of my family members and just mind my manners. I wish I had a couple of more weeks to spend with her cause the brief times that we had together were always fun. We went to the bookstore with Kathy on Saturday and that was a lot of fun, but we didn't need Kathy to have fun.

   In fact, when she was trying to help me with my hair for the wedding, I was afraid she was going to break something inside she was laughing so hard. Evidently I have an, um, expressive face. She worked so hard on giving me some volume on my flat hair, and she did it like a pro! And when it came time for hairspray, I went and got the stuff for blondes that was supposed to make your hair shine. When she was finally finished and I put my glasses back on, I looked at myself and thought I had fallen into a bucket. It was in place but it looked a little wet. I must have looked a little panicked cause she said, "What do you think we should do now? We could wash it out..." I didn't even let her finish the statement. I grabbed my brush and attacked my head. I got about, maybe, an inch in. Okay, so that's how it's going to be, here we go. I brushed and brushed and she just couldn't stop laughing at the expressions I was making as I was going. She finally stopped making any sound at all and was in a crouch with her head almost below her knees. BUT, my hair brushed out just fine and it look great! AND it held great, too. I did pass on putting on makeup, tho, mostly because I was already sweating from brushing out my hair, and it was flippin hot outside. I didn't want to look like some half dead chick from a bad George Romero flick.

   She got me the comfort, and easy, food that she knew I was used to eating, and made things so easy for me there. She was a wonderful hostess, and is a great friend, but I did that one already. I just miss being able to see her every day more than anything else. I got spoiled. I hope we can get one more movie in before I go, but I realized today that it's the end of this week that I'm leaving (73 degrees in Moore today, by the way). Thursday is my last poker game. Mom told me tonight that she'll tell me Wednesday about when we can leave. Turns out dad has a test they didn't expect.

   Tomorrow Annie and I are going to lunch and then go see Kung Fu Panda (which I have called both Kung Pao Panda and Kung Pao Chicken). Then it's Ladies Night and we're going to Pancho's for dinner. This is one day Ozzy stays home. 

   Poor little guy is really having a rough time with the allergies and I brought the Benedryl but forgot his eye medicine (I'm a bad mommy). It doesn't help that mom has a really rough bath mat in the guest bath that he really rubs the eye on. If I pick it up he'll just find something, and everything else. It's just the fact that he's rubbed the hair off from around his left eye (the last time it was his right eye) and it makes his little eye stand out like one of those big eyed children paintings.

   This bites. I cannot get to sleep. I didn't nap today, and I cannot get to sleep and this is with hydroxyzine, the itching medicine that knocked Trish for a loop for eight hours - she took one and I took two. I'm getting to the cast iron skillet to the head stage. Not my head, of course. I'd have to find someone else's, but I'm sure I'd feel better.

the long day after

   The day didn't really go the way we had planned it. Michele's dad was supposed to come over and mow the lawn, then her parents were going to go out to eat with some friends and be back here to visit and spend the night by anywhere from 9:30 to 11:30. Well, her dad made it alright, but only long enough to drop off Sarah's, Michele's niece's, pug, named Max. I ended up puppy sitting him all day. Tough job -  we all went back to sleep on my bed until mid afternoon, when I got up and put the new shower head on and took a shower.

   Max is a pretty big and strong, muscular looking Pug, but he's still a puppy, and I'm pretty sure that's how he and Ozzy spent their morning - running, playing and sniffing. I slept in as long as I could because I knew the stress of last night was going to catch up with me. When I did get up, I watched wrestling and a few other choice gems on the DVR. 

   Michele got home late from her class, trying to catch up on administrative work at her office, too. I had had an Easy Mac for lunch, and she decided to have the same for dinner. We watched a really bad Sci Fi show that I recorded last week, and tried to watch it, but it was just too disjointed, so we deleted that and watched the Lucy Liu vampire movie, but Michele was asleep before it was half done.

   I think her parents are here now, from the barking of the dogs a little while ago, but I just stayed in my room. I'll see them tomorrow. I'm just too tired. I have a lunch date tomorrow, so I probably ought to be cutting this short now. More anon.

a good, and a sad day

   I went over to Heather's tonight, along with her mom and Lissa. I was there first and asked, well, begged, if I could play GH3, since no one was there yet. She graciously said yes and set me up on Bill's account. The problem was that he hasn't gotten far enough in the game for me to be able to play The Cliffs of Dover. Its in the very last set, the seventh, I think. So, I asked if I could just start with a new character and work my way down. She said yes and away I went. 

   Marti came next and I got to give her the birthday present that I forgot at home yesterday, which she seemed to really like, and it did look good on her -a bright yellow t-shirt with sunflowers on it. She and Heather sat and talked while I played and listened until Lissa came, then we all said our hellos, got some dinner (leftover wedding fare) and I ate and listened. 

   I finally got to the set with The Cliffs of Dover in it, and of course, it was late and I was tired, but at least I got to play it, and the next time I go over there, it won't be so hard to be able to play again. Doesn't matter, I got a good dose for my 

GH fix.

  We all left kinda early, still kinda tired from the weekend, and I tried to follow the stupid Garmin, but this time it took me to Warner and down to the 60 to got home. I think I have a Garmin who either has a warped sense of humor or holds a grudge against things said against it. I'll have to watch that in the future.

   When I got to mom and dad's house, it felt different as soon as I walked in. I could tell something was wrong right away. Hank was breathing really hard, and was laying on his stomach in a really odd position, with his legs kinda splayed. Mom and dad didn't look too good. I asked what was going on and mom asked if I could help dad load Hank into the car and take him to the 24 hour clinic for a shot and then bring him home again. I looked and her and asked her what was going on. He has been having a hard time walking the entire time I've been here - his hips just aren't acting right, his belly is distended, and you can tell he can barely walk. It turns out tonight that he fell into the empty pool and couldn't get himself out this time. When dad tried to lift him out, he was crying out in pain. What they needed from me was to help dad carry him to put him in the Jeep and take him around the corner to the clinic and get the euthanasia shot and then bring his body back home so dad can could bury him.

   We worked out a few of the details, like which Jeep to take (dad didn't want to take mom's Jeep because he likes to keep that one nice for her, but there was enough room for him in the back in that one and not in the white one), I came in and suggested to dad, and mom, that they just stay home and let me take care of it. Dad especially, since Hank was really his dog. He said the clinic would help me take him in and out, and that was the biggest part. Unless dad was really insistent on going, which would have been fine, I didn't think he needed the heartache and stress. It really didn't take much convincing.

   We put Hank on a towel and put him in the back of the Jeep and I drove him to the clinic around the corner on Country Club. I walked in and it was nearly empty, so she started helping me almost instantly, getting the story, giving me the paperwork and calling the techs with the stretcher.

   I hadn't gotten very far on the paperwork when the techs came out and we went out to the Jeep. The woman tech, named Sarah, very gently wrapped him in the towel and picked him up and put him on the gurney. I shut the back hatch and we walked back into the clinic and I went to the reception desk. He went to a room, but he never took his eyes off me as they wheeled him into the room.

   When the got him settled in there, the woman I was dealing with called me in and told me that she could finish the paperwork while I sat with him. She asked me some questions about his general demeanor so they would know what to expect, but I assured them he was a sweetheart.

   When the doctor finally came in, they were going to put a catheter in but he changed his mind. He shaved Hank's leg for a vein and Hank didn't budge. When they gave him the shot, his reaction was to put his chin down on my forearm and relax. They laid him down from being on his stomach to being on his side, and just about that fast he was gone.

   He didn't seen afraid at all. There was no fear in his eyes, not of the people, not of the stretcher (which was really a gurney), not of the cutters that shaved him or the final shot. I was petting him and the techs and doctor were all touching and talking to him, and the doctor kept a stethoscope on him so they would know for sure when he was gone. He was a few post passing huffs from his lungs, but that was it.

   They knew that we wanted to take his body home with us, so they offered us a cardboard box, built somewhat like a coffin. As I went out to pay the bill, the techs took care of assembling it and putting him in it (I was there when he first went in it so I could see that it was a good fit), then they put the lid on it and taped it down good, then put it on the gurney and took it back out to the Jeep again. 

   At one point, while I was trying to fill out the paper work, a woman came over to me and gave me a very warm hug. I told her it wasn't my dog but my parents and she told me that I had angels wings on, then she left the clinic. That meant a lot to me. I thought it was a very thoughtful thing for do to a person in obvious distress.

   Anyway, I drove the Jeep and Hank back home and backed into the garage, and shut the garage door. Pop is just too exhausted to do anything tonight. When I came in and told him it was done, and about the cardboard casket, his eyes were really red. I gave him a big hug and he thanked me for helping me. But he's done it so many times for other people - he took such good care of Nala after she died. I'll never forget that. He buried her with such loving care, I was so glad that I could make this a little easier for him, although it won't be easier for a long time.

   I have to admit that with Father's Day coming up the idea of a little dog for dad has crossed my mind, but that has to clear the mom hurdle first.

   So, a very full day. Hank was a really special dog that's going to be missed by the whole family. We lucked into him and he blessed up with his presence for as long as we got to have him, but, in turn, I think mom and dad definitely made his life better for him, too. You can't write a better epitaph than that. We'll miss you, Hank.

friends

   I have to say that I am very lucky to have the friends I do, and in this particular case I'm talking about Michele. I don't think I'll go into particulars, because there are too many of them, frankly, but she is so attentive and thoughtful while seemingly thinking nothing of it (if she does she never admits it, and I don't believe she does). While we were shopping (oh shoot, here's an example) she hurried to the car, turned it on with the AC going and made me get in while she loaded the bags, then when we got home, she gave me the keys to open the house door and carried in nearly every bag on the first load so I wouldn't have to. She's made me very welcome in her home, bought things to accommodate my odd eating habits and has tried very hard to be quiet in her own home so I can sleep. But, I know she did the same thing for three months while Jennifer, another friend, stayed with her, so that's just the kind of person she is, and I'm lucky enough to have her for a friend. I'm just enjoying having this luxury of getting to know her like this, cause we've never done this before, cause we've always lived so close. We actually haven't had that much time to spend together, so I'm hoping that next week we actually get a little more time together. I've really missed her since I've been gone and I've been enjoying what little time I've had with her. I hope she can say the same.

   The wedding is tomorrow. I went to Catherine's with mom to buy a long sleeve "jacket" or something to wear over the lightweight black knit pants and top I bought. I brought it home and showed it to Michele and she paused for a moment and declared that I looked like I was Pennsylvania Dutch. ... Well, ok, I've never been Pennsylvania Dutch before. It does look like something mom or Marti might buy (ohmigawd) but I think I'll survive it. I believe I will get wear out of it in Oklahoma because, in spite of all the embroidery and flowery crap, it is really comfortable. Josh called it my biker colors. Yeah, the Deadly Daisies.

   I have to deal with the dual struggle tomorrow of hair and makeup. Yes, makeup. I used to be pretty good at it, and I'd kinda like to try it again cause I'm tired of looking so washed out (and like my mother - sorry mom). I bought a curling iron and now have two, count them - TWO kinds of hair super glue and hair spray. I'm thinking now it might be wiser to try the hair and make up here and get dressed there cause Alex will have the mirror at mom's house and here I'll have Michele to help me. I ought to just spike it and call it good and do good solid black eye liner upper and lower and go Pennsylvania GOTH.

  I do believe it's past time for me to go to sleep now. I'll let you know how the wedding goes, you know, if I fall off my high heel flip flops or now, like that. Should be a big bag of jollies.

Marilyn, and Rock Band at Heather's

   First of all, this is my cousin Marilyn. She doesn't really have anything to do with us playing Rock Band at Heather's tonight, but I just stole this picture off my cousin's (her daughter's) blog page cause I really love it, and we're going to be going to her house after we get back to Oklahoma, so I thought I'd try putting a picture up. It's why I moved to this site. However, I haven't mastered the fine art of moving said picture anywhere else on the page. Oh well, I'll just put her first instead of last. Marilyn is really more like a big sister to me than a cousin. I call her cousin, but she is so much more to me than that, even more so than a sister, but I'd have to guess on that cause I have no frame of reference, but I do on friends, and I count her as one of my closest of those, too.

   Anyway, Heather, my niece, invited Josh and Alex and I over for dinner and some RB tonight. Lissa and her husband Randy also came by. I've never played it in such a big group. It was really fun, with everyone switching positions, except Josh and I never took the mic to sing, uh, we don't do that. I didn't feel like playing the drums either. I just wanted to get my drum fix.

   We played some songs that I knew, but we played a lot I didn't. They downloaded a lot of songs I don't know, and I also played bass on songs that I knew, and that was really different, and fun. You can tell they play a lot, cause they know their stuff. The girls, well, and Bill and Randy, had a good time singing. I had fun listening to Alex sing, cause I've heard Josh talk about it, but don't get to hear it much.

  Tomorrow is Thursday and I have to go look for the rest of my wedding outfit, and it's also poker night. I also have to find a wedding present. I think we've decided not to go to the wedding rehearsal on Friday night. I was hoping we would be able to go to Jackie's on Friday, but they left for the rim to go camping either today or yesterday. Not too many of our texts got through. I was just too slow on the upbeat in texting her that we were all here. She kept repeating how cold, cold cold it was. There were fire restrictions, etc. Then the text messages stop getting through. Personally I think Sasquatch or a hillbilly got them. Serves them right for being out of town the one time we're all here. What were they thinking? I'd give her a piece of my mind if I had any to spare. The nerve. 

   

Josh and Alex finally here

   I thought I was going to see Jan tonight but she wasn't really feeling well. It actually worked out better that way for me because I didn't sleep well last night and couldn't sleep today. I watched ASU women's softball team win the World Series with Michele tonight (in OKC, by the way) and then we tried to watch the WNBA but we weren't really into it. 

   Michele made this really good bowtie pasta with spinach and chicken that was really delicious, then that was pretty much it for her, she has to get up so early. She had a short conversation with Kathy then went to bed. I got on my computer and waited for Josh and Alex's plane to land. I have a widget that lets me track the plane while it's in the air.

  When they finally got here, we stopped at Jack in the Box and then went to mom's and we visited for a while, but I had to leave. Still, I got back here at midnight. I have to keep this short cause I'm as close to a migraine as I have been since I've been here. More later.

seeing an old friend

   I went and had dinner with Kim Moore tonight. Kim has been my friend from when I started working at the State Press, and if it wasn't for her love and concern, I might still be working there. There was many a morning where she would come into my office and look at me and talk about leaves of absence and disability. She was really very concerned about me. She was the one who finally got me on the ball to do something about taking care of it. She's a funny, well, hilarious, loving, caring, interesting, great friend.

   I picked her up and neither of us had any solid plans for dinner, so I decided to take her to Top Shelf in Mesa. I hadn't been there in ages, and she had never been there, so it seemed like a good choice. We finished out meals and must have sat there and talked for at least an hour or more after the bill was paid and the plates were gone. There was no pressure from the staff for us to leave, so we just kept talking. 

   When we first met, Josh was in elementary school, and her kids were tiny. I think her son was four, and he's a senior now. We've been through a lot together, the two of us. We talked a lot about Oklahoma. She's not liking the stress of the Valley anymore, and when I told her what I paid for my house, she really sat up and took note. The one major problem is that her husband, Patrick, is from Bisbee, and anyplace that doesn't have mountains isn't worth a hill of beans to him. That could be a pretty major problems. I would love it if she and her family would move to Oklahoma, but I'm not going to hold my breath because the biggest hurdle is selling her house. I know how that one goes. Also, her son only has one more year of high school and it's a rough time to uproot him. That's okay, I can wait. It would just be great to have her out there, too.

   Josh and Alex get in tomorrow... well, technically, today. It will be so good to see them again, and I know mom and dad will love having them stay there. Michele is on her work days now so I didn't see her at all today. I tried to stay quiet when I got home, but I still watched Raw. I fell asleep in front of the TV, then, of course, woke up not so tired, and here it is now 4am and I'm wide awake. 

   My phone completely died for the past day or so. I left my charger at home. I thought I grabbed it but I grabbed the wrong one. I was using dad's but I left it at their house when I came over here. I didn't go anywhere in the car, so I couldn't charge it that way. It was a very weird feeling. I charged it while I was out tonight so I at least have two bars now.

   Well, I should try and get some sleep. Time to put on the iPod and hope for sleep. Good thing I have that.

new blog site

I was contacted by my cousin and got a look at her blog site, and she did so much more with hers than I can do with mine that I decided to change over to blogger.com. The idea is that I can finally put pictures up instead of having to have you go to Flickr when I take pictures. I like that idea and have always wanted to do that. But not tonight. I still need to go back to Live Journal and add a link there to here. Let me know what you think.