what a end to the day

Mom and I were both pretty tired tonight, me more than mom, but she was off to bed after wrestling and I heard this slightly exasperated, "Oh no." Sheba peed on her bed again. Just what you need to end your day. In the meantime, I had gone into my room and was getting ready for bed and had, as usual, hop/climbed up on my bed and heard a big crack. Oh crap! I heard a little crack the other night and didn't really worry about it cause I've been wanting to take the slats out of the frame so my bed can sit on the floor, but I didn't want to do it this way. 

I got off the bed to see how bad it was and I could push the head of the bed down about a foot with one hand. Yeah, that's not good. So, I was asking mom to strip her bed so I could take care of my emergency when I realized that hers was really more pressing than mine. So, I went in and we stripped off the bed topper, again, which this time had no ineffective mattress protector on it because we forgot to put it on, and made the bed, and forgot to put it on again. I just hauled the topper out and let it lie in the middle of the front room. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

Back to my disaster. I should have known this was coming. I told mom after I was done that the bed, mattress and box springs both, that this frame was meant to hold, the one she's sleeping on, is the size of the mattress I'm sleeping on, and it's a heck of a lot heavier, and that's without the box springs, which is about a third bigger than the original one. This bed from wasn't built to hold this big heavy bed I bought.

Anyway, mom helped me take the mattress off, well, more like manhandle, then the box springs, and I set to work taking the broken pieces out - the slats and the broken parts of the railing. I vacuumed up all Sheba's hair and put the bed back together and was cleaning up, after chasing down Sheba and putting her, both cat boxes, two water dishes and her food in the office. She's not coming out for a while. Josh is supposed to be coming over to work on the stereo in the office tomorrow, but I'm telling him that it's not going to happen this week - she's in time out for a couple of days this time.

When I finally got to a place where I just had to take a break I laid down on the bed and it felt sooo good. Better than it had before. Ozzy jumped up with me, without his perch. Wow, this is going to be nice. My bed feels awesome, way better than it did when it was 12 feet high (I exaggerate a little) and I actually have some place where I can sit in my room now, and the room looks normal. And, if I stuff a couple of pillows in the end to take up the room, it doesn't move when I move (it feels a little rickety since there's no inner frame). And, now when I drop the remote, I don't have to risk breaking my neck when I reach down to pick it up.

So that was how the day ended. The day started early cause of the stress test - I told mom I was going to get up at 6:30 and take a shower. Remember how I told you I probably wouldn't get too much sleep - that was true, so I just did the best I could, but at 6 am mom knocks on the door and asks if it wasn't time for me to get up. sigh. I just kept my sleep mask on and waited for the alarm to go off and kept to the schedule. We left with about 20 minutes to get there and were ten minutes early. Checking in took about two minutes cause I had been there before for lab work. The girl said that yesterday was incredibly busy - twice their normal load (about 25 per hour). There were three people there while I was there. 

We went back to imaging and I waited for a couple of minutes and then went back for my nuclear shot, then came back to wait to start glowing, then went back to lay there for 30 minutes not moving while this big box slowly circled around my chest. I just laid there and hoped I could go back to sleep. The x-ray machine moved so quietly that I would open my eyes and be surprised to find it right on top of me when the last time I looked it was on my right side. Anyway, those were the resting shots.

He helped me up and we left that room and we started a long walk down a couple of halls and he started to turn into a room and two guys had the treadmill on a dolly and they were taking it out of the room. The doctor was so excited. He looked at me and told me he had been waiting 3 years for this to happen. So, we turned around and walked all the way back to where we started. They had me sit outside the imaging room while they set up the treadmill. While all this was happening, the nurses kept asking the doctor if I wasn't supposed to be having the chemical test? I couldn't even tell you how many times they asked him that.

They finally had it installed in a little room next to the x-ray room and had me come in and get wired up. The two nurses were really nice, funny and apologetic for the conditions. They took my blood pressure, which was low normal, as usual, and explained how I was supposed to start on the treadmill. It looked pretty fast to me. They assured me it would start slow, go for three minutes then start an incline. They mentioned jogging. I worried. 

So, finally the time came and they turned it on and I mounted it without incident - no holes in the back wall or road rash on my face. The nurse next to me took my blood pressure about every minute and it did go up, but I don't think it ever hit what's technically considered high blood pressure. The told me that they were going to raise the incline a bit. I asked how long I had to be on the treadmill and they said until I reached the target heart rate of 143. Next thing I knew the doctor, a different one who had come in just to watch in case I keeled over or had a stroke, said, "That's it," and they slowed down the treadmill and I got off. I asked how long it took. Five minutes. Oy.

I got another nuclear shot. Went back out to the waiting room for it to fully nuke me, came back to get the wrap around x-ray, and then we were done. I asked him how long it would take to get the results and he said probably tomorrow. That I didn't expect. Of course, they didn't rush me into surgery, either, and that's always a good thing. So I'll let you know when I know. 

now its my turn

   I haven't been too worried about it but now I'm all too aware that my stress test is tomorrow. I have to be there at 7:30 in the morning, and I'll be you anything that I won't sleep tonight, even though I woke up feeling like I could go back and go right back to sleep again. I'm tired now, and I'm trying to take care of stuff so I won't be waking up in the middle of the night to do it. 

I'm not...really worried about the results, it's just a situation that I've never been in, so that weighs on my mind. And the what if... The doctor doesn't think it's my heart, and I don't think so either, but, you know, you can't ever be 100% sure, which is why I'm glad I'm taking this test. Then I'll know. Fer shur. 

Ack, I'm so tired. Sorry, this is going to be a short one. I'll let you know how it goes.

Outback for my birthday - yes, it's July

   I left town pretty soon after my birthday, so tonight Mark and Kathy, Kathy's mother and her friend Sandra, Josh and Alex, mom and I all went to have dinner at Outback. We got there first, so we sat down and held the table. I asked the waiter how long a bloomin onion would take and he said three or four minutes. I was thinking they could put one in and get it ready so it would be hot when everyone got there, but I knew it would be more than three or four minutes. Good idea, no point.

   Eventually, everyone trickled in, Josh being the last cause he had to work today. When we were ordering our drinks, Kathy pulled out a coupon for a bloomin onion and he had it back out on the table in about a minute. Alex looked at me and asked how in the world he did that so fast? I told her I what I had asked him and that I suspected he put an order in as soon as everyone finally got here. Good waiter.

   Everyone got their food ordered and got it. I had ordered my steak medallions medium rare, more rare (you know me - I like it mooing). When it came it was well done, tasteless. Everyone encouraged me to send it back, so I did. When I finally got it back it was perfect, but everyone else was done eating, so I now have a complete Outback meal in my fridge to reheat for lunch.

   We went back to Kathy's house so we could meet Oshkie the puppy, and oh my, he is the cutest thing! I think he might be a mix, cause his fur isn't much curly as wavy, and his nose isn't very long. He's kind of a silver grey, except for his ears, which are very black.

**brief interlude to change mom's bed due to Sheba peeing right in the middle of it. She's now in time out in the office. It's not much of a punishment cause it's where she has a bed and a cat box, but she usually goes to sleep with Ozzy and me, getting loves until we all go to sleep and she starts snoring and making little, well some are kinda loud, noises. I put some water in there for her but no food, but she's not going to starve to death over night.

   Anyway, we had to strip her bed, take off the bed topper, that I paid $1000 for, and the teflon mattress cover, that obviously didn't work (maybe I'll get another one and go two up) and throw them in the washer (not the topper) and make her bed so she could finally get to bed. I hope she sleeps okay without that topper. It's not a real expensive bed - the topper is where most of the comfort is. Ack, ack, and ack.

   I used the carpet cleaner Hot Spot (made for animal stains) or something like that on the topper (well, it works on the carper..) but now the living room smells like the stoopid carpet cleaner. I sprayed her room with Febreze and her bed with a laundry spray I have that makes your bed smell like Egyptian Cotton. That one is very subtle - I like it. 

   I've checked my bed and I seem to have escaped the wandering peeing black cat, so I think I will haul my tired body off to bed. Mom reminded me today that my stress test is first thing Tuesday morning, so I'm not planning anything for tomorrow. Yeah, like that's new and different. Well, we did talk about a movie. I'll let you know.

Dusty, my neighbor

   I woke up today to the sound of the doorbell. I jumped out of bed cause I never know when mom will decide if today she will answer, say the phone, or, as today, the door. So she was at the door when I got there, and it was my neighbor to the right, Dusty, asking if I wanted him (he might have even said minded - it would be just like him) to mow my yard, if my lawn mower was still broken. I said yes and thank you very much and he went right to it, and did a very nice job. 

   I imagine, but don't know for sure, that he's from here. He's a stocky guy, looks about in his mid 20s, really round face and blue blue eyes. Just as nice and polite as you would expect to find in the Bible Belt. He didn't want to accept the Thank You Wal Mart gift card I gave him when I got back but I kinda forced it on him. I didn't fake a seizure or anything, but I told him it would really make me feel good if he would take it.

Still haven't tackled the back yard yet. Should try to get a picture of it now that it's gotten to mythic proportions. I think mom hinted that I should ask Dusty to do it, but that would be hard for me, and kind of embarrassing now. I'll try next week in the evening, or morning (should I see one) to get at it with the weed eater - the electric one, the one I can start. I was so proud of that stupid gas weed eater and I can't even get the thing going. I should see if Josh can. He might not even want it. I'd consider Dusty but he doesn't do his own yard with a weed eater, so I don't know if he has one or just doesn't like doing it.

Enough for tonight. We have dinner plans with the Moreau clan tomorrow night. Alex's grandma and her friend have come up from Paris, Texas with Annette's (that's the grandma) new puppy Oshkie, who we get to meet after dinner at Outback. Yummmmmm, Wow, that's the power of TV - can't say Outback without hearing the Yummmm in my head. Man, I need to go to bed.

oh finally!!!

Have a little patience with me in the picture department. This is one I took by the side of the one way street, looking back towards OKC, with the wind in our faces. I just downloaded the 212 new pictures and the Lake Hefner pictures, so I'll try to work on them. I know that's why we're here at this blog, and I will get some up there, but for now I'm just glad I can blog at all.

   Last night was a virtual blogging nightmare. I couldn't find the "post' link anywhere. They messed around with my blog!!!!! I had things to say people - this isn't funny! I looked and looked and it kept taking me back to Dashboard where it told me I had to start a new blog. Noooooo, I have a blog. Then it said I had another gmail account open. Nooooo, did not. Then, to top it off, my computer blacked out and wouldn't turn back on. Just quit. Tried to turn it on again and it tried and then black. Oh crap. I tried again this morning and it wouldn't even try. I told mom about it and I was figuring I would have to go into my office, which has become a scary place for me, what with the treadmill and mountains of papers to file, and try to find my warranty. I know there's an Apple store in Penn Square Mall, which is so far away that I actually have already programmed it into my Garmin. Sigh. I hate stuff like this. I want someone who will do stuff like this for me. And how long would I be without it? Anxiety attack coming.... Obviously it's working now. I came to bed tonight and plugged it the power cord, and plugged it in to the outlet, too. Oh, yeah, that did make a difference. Started right up. Yee haw, back in business and I can avoid the office again. It was down to 0.00000% power. Well, that'll do it.

So, today, I woke up and walked out to see if mom was up and she was still asleep. Whoa, that almost never happens, that I get up before her, so Ozzy and I go back to bed. But I got up almost every half hour, and I don't know why, and told Ozzy to find Grandma, and he ran and checked her room and waited for me, and she was still asleep, so I went back to sleep. I started this at about 9:30 am and she got up around noon, so every half hour I was getting up and going back to sleep. 

When we were both finally awake, I asked her what she wanted to do, she suggested going to get my prescriptions and stopping at Sonic for breakfast, so Ozzy can go. Good idea. We do that, and on the way back we talk about what to do today and mom is all full of ideas like the Cowboy Art museum. We went and saw Journey to the Center of the Earth yesterday - great movie, great 3D, loved it, loved my theater. I'm going to claim it cause it's everything I ever wanted in a movie theater cause it's art deco, classy and it has a balcony, which is where we're going to see Batman, where they serve you your food, and no one under 21 is allowed in.

Anyway, I'm not feeling like doing anything today. Mom is feeling perky and I'm feeling like riding the old rocking chair. Guess who won. I couldn't help it. I got the itches from the meds last night and had to take the anti-itching meds. I tried one and it didn't work, so I had to take two, and they knock me out, (this was in the middle of the night) and they kept knocking me out all day. I spent the day sleeping on the narcotic love seat (we moved the living room around so we could bring in my recliner so mom could sit in it, now I get antsy a bit about her sitting in it cause she's hard on chairs, but I got over it, I think. I bought my first brand new set of furniture when I moved into the 17th St. house and mom sat down in the love seat, on the first day, and there was a crack - she had broken one of the two by fours in the back of the chair and it forever after stuck out, not of the fabric, but you could see it on the back of the chair. I never told her).

Tomorrow, tentatively, we're going over to Kathy and Mark's to have dinner cause Kathy's mom and her friend Sharon are in town. Annette, Kathy's mom, has a new poodle puppy that supposedly looks a lot like Ozzy, and is named Oshkie, after Kelsey's childhood imaginary friend (eerily, it actually has a meaning in some eastern European language, like "new life" or something), and I've been waiting to meet Sharon, who, I guess is about my age or a little younger and is Annette's best friend and is always taking care of her dog and making things for her and the family and just sounds like a very interesting person. I'll keep you up on what happens.

So, I have a lawn mower that doesn't work, that I'm supposed to be looking for the receipt for, a gas weed eater that I can't actually get started and 5/6 of a back yard full of weeds that are now to the top of my fence post, and it's a 100 degrees out. Yeah, I need to be finding a lawn service. Anything to be avoiding that office. And it started out so pretty. 

Mom got me a shirt for my birthday, called a Poet Shirt, from the Solbar company. It's made of material that's a UVA/AVB screen. It's made specifically for people like me. In fact, the first catalog I picked up was in the rheumatologists office. It's tunic length, long sleeve, obviously, but it has mesh built into the inside of the arms for air flow and it is the softest and lightest material I have ever worn. It's this beautiful soft blue, and I just love it. It wasn't cheap, so I'm keeping the catalogue around and hoping to get a chance to get something else. Unfortunately, the only other color I can get in that shirt is white, which I won't do - kinda defeats the purpose. The woman mom talked to kinda interviewed her about my needs and recommended I get the darkest colors I could - she recommended raspberry - I vetoed that before we even found out it didn't come in that size. Anyway, it is just so light and soft and comfortable, I love it. 

doh de doh

   That's about all we did today - sat around and watched TV. For some reason I slept really hard, and, well, it was shot night. I started taking them at night so the first part would "hit" (not like there's a reaction or anything) while I was sleeping and make the next day a little easier. Mom made spaghetti and we watched America's Got Talent, That show always finds a way to make me cry.

So, that's our big day. It's just too hot to do anything else. It actually hit 100 on Monday, and there are no clouds or breezes in sight. bleh

pay per view and GH battles

   Earlier this week, mom very off handedly mentioned that the upcoming wrestling pay per view (which was today) looked like a good one, and might there be anyway we could see it? It was really cute. So I ordered it right away and set up the DVR to record. She's been pretty excited about it, too. She thought it was on yesterday, no, not yet - and today we both woke up really late and just lollygagged waiting for time to pass. I finally put in the Mama Mia! cd to pass the time, which it did perfectly. By the time for the show to start the cd was just finishing.

   I had mentioned to Josh that I had ordered it. He doesn't watch wrestling much anymore, but has an amazing amount of inside information about who's doing what and what really happened to who and the real story behind so and so. I wish I knew who his source was. Anyway, he called and said he was coming over about half way through the show, with a new subwoofer. Mine has been cutting in and out. The one he hooked up is really amazing. What a difference. But I digress.

   He came right in the middle of the first of the matches that he really wanted to see, so we backed it up and watched it from the beginning of the match again, then watched it to the end. It was a really good show, good matches. I enjoyed it, and I think mom did too, but you can never tell with Josh. As soon as it was done, Josh hooked up the sub and asked if he could play the 360. He asked if I had another guitar and I could only think of the Rock Band Fender, which won't work with GH, so he played by himself for a while.

   Then, duh, it occurred to me that I had just replaced my old faithful with the Aerosmith guitar and we could have battles, so while he was fiddling with the settings on the sub, I put some new batteries in the Korn guitar and we started battling. Man, that is so much fun, even more fun in person. 

   We handicapped it this time. Josh played some songs that I really knew well in hard, so he had a little bit more of a chance, but the songs he he knew well, he played in expert. I know that doesn't sound exactly fair, but I beat him enough to know it is a system that evens it out. I've played all these songs a lot more than he has, and that evens out his way ginormous skill a little.

   There is a little built in disadvantage toward the higher rated player when it comes to a tie and a death match. The higher rated player tends to lose faster and the favor is given to the lower rated player. Alex got into this one and they played against each other to try to prove it, and then Alex and I played against each other (I actually can't remember who won - I guess that means Alex), and they played each other again.

   It was a really fun evening. I had a blast and it was so much fun having them over. I had a thought after they left. I was playing after mom went to bed. I wasn't done yet. It's my way of clearing my mind and settling myself down. I played my song, The Cliffs of Dover, sitting down, and did so so, then decided to stand up, (don't remember what made me think of it) and beat my highest ever score. Hmmm, interesting. I tried one more song standing up, The Devil Went Down To Georgia, got another highest score ever, but not another star (still at three), but that was enough. That song kills my forearms. 

   I had a thought that I gave mom to ponder on. You can co op a band in Guitar Hero. Start one, cause you can obviously play bass - I was doing it last night. Mom has been watching me every night. I think she might enjoy playing bass on easy while I play on medium. I played bass on medium and it's no more difficult that starting on easy, if not easier. I think she can handle it, and there's no big deal anyway - it's just the two of us here. She's seen Josh and I both fail. She loves the bass, the sound of it is her favorite part of a song. I think this will be fun for her. We'll see tomorrow.

new depths of GH

   Today was an all day movie day on AMC, which was fine. Yesterday was pretty busy. When mom said she was going to bed I got out Rock Band and played some different songs (mom, of course, stayed to listen - she's my best fan), and then went into GH to practice some in hard, like I told Josh I would. Didn't last long. But I did notice something in practice mode that totally captivated the rest of the session. You can play bass in practice mode, which I did for the rest of the time.

This, of course, means that I will now be going back and playing the bass line, or in some cases the rhythm line, of all the songs I have in GH. I'm so excited. One of the ones I tried tonight was The Devil went down to Georgia. Man, the rhythm line isn't much of a relief, but I still made it through. I did the Tom Morello song, which also has rhythm instead of bass (you REALLY have to know GH to get that one).

Anyway, it lead me to think about the possibility of trying a bass guitar, a real one. I'm thinking of asking Josh if I could try his. I would be interested in his input, but I've always liked bass guitar. Who knows? I can't wait to see his reaction to this one.

Mama Mia!

   Mom and I decided to go to the first day showing of Mama Mia! cause, she says, "that's what you like to do." It's the first time I've gotten to go to the new Warren theater, the art deco wonder two miles from my house. 

   We pulled into the parking lot and mom kinda groaned cause it was really full and I reminded her there were a lot of movies opening today. There was a line going down the stairs from the one person box office but a sign saying you could get your tickets inside, so we went inside and got them in about a minute from the kiosk. I looked over to the inside (backside) of the box office and there must have been six or seven people selling tickets. Yep, made for Oklahoma weather.

   We got our drinks and popcorn really quickly and went to the ticket takers, who were wearing uniforms straight out of the thirties. Very sharp looking, and ours was the first theater on the right. Was this charmed or what? We went in and looked up at a sea of people. Now we only had to find two seats together. Good luck, a guy sitting in front of where I was standing said to me. 

   I spotted two seats in the center of the center of the theater and asked the guy next to them if they were saved and he said no, so I asked him to hold them and we went and sat down in the two best seats in the auditorium. Holy cow. The guy was really nice and we had a nice chat with him about the theater cause he had been there a couple of times before.

   Mama Mia! This movie made me really miss Kathy and MIchele, cause for sure this is a movie we would have gone to together, and we would have had so much fun talking about it afterward. It's just the best movie - they did such a good job. It's just a feel good movie, and they did a great job putting the songs into the movie, or building a story around the songs, however you want to look at it. And Meryl Streep was fabulous!!! Is there anything she can't do? Julie Waters. Ever since I took a film class in college I've had my eye on her. My teacher said she was a terribly overlooked actress, very talented, and now I try to catch her movies, and she never disappoints. I love her character, the lone wolf writer. Gee, I wonder why she catches my eye?

   I wanted to come home and call Kathy and Annie and tell them all about it, but we went to Wal Mart to buy the sound track, which I did get, along with a trunk full of groceries. So, by the time we were done getting them home and put away, we were kinda done in. Well, that and it was time for Friday Night Smackdown. I've turned mom into a wrestling fan.

   So, now we're on the hunt for the next movie we're going to go see. I'm thinking probably WALL E, although I'd like to see Hancock. Eventually I'll see The Dark Knight, but not for a while - that one will make me really miss Michele and I'm just getting over that. It's bad enough that there's another Mummy movie coming out and I won't be able to see it with her. It's just not right and it won't be the same. But I'll still see it with her in spirit.

taking my depressed dog for a ride

   I got up today and for some reason I decided not to take any pain pills. In reading about gallstones, I did find out that opiates can play a role in them, but only opiate addiction, which is not a factor, but I've been on them a long time, and I was on them pretty heavy at nights in the first two weeks in Phoenix, just to get through the night. Anyway, I thought I'd see how my day would go without them.

   I was pretty bleh all day, but okay, then suggested we go to IHOP for dinner. While we were there I finally took a pain pill. By the end of dinner I felt normal again. Was it eating or being out of pain, or both, I don't know. But we decided, since I was feeling better, that we could tend to Ozzy.

   He had been moping around all day. When mom and I each took him out, different times, he just sat on the pavement and looked around. He just sat there. When we went to dinner, he just sat at the back of the couch, almost under a hanging blanket. There's nothing more pathetic than a sad Ozzy. 

   So, we decided to go and pick him up and take him for a ride, and since I was feeling better, I decided we should go to Lake Hefner and show it to mom. I got the Garmin this time, but it didn't go well. We actually ended up at a dead end street on the other side of the freeway wall. I got out my other map of OKC and gave it to mom and she had the idea of putting an intersection and we finally got to the place I have wanted to see since I have been here. We found the start of the road that goes completely around the lake, and the golf course, which is incredibly beautiful. The road, after the golf course, is one way, and has a parking lane for most of it, so you can park your car and get out and stand next to a short wall and be right next to the lake (no beach - all boulders). We saw people who had climbed over the fence and down the rocks to fish, lots of walkers, bikers, standers and lookers, which we did, too. The weather was perfect, the sun had just set, the breeze was just in our face and the water was breaking on the rocks four feet from us. The only thing missing was the smell of salt in the water. 

  The drive home was, of course, much faster and easier, and we got to watch our Tuesday night programs, starting with wrestling, and now I'm going to bed. It's been a very good day. Oh, and by the way, the reason Ozzy had been moping around? He pooped in the dining room and was expecting to get in trouble. But I can't blame him - the back yard still looks like an alien forest. I'm a heck of a lot taller than him and I can't imagine what it looks like at his height. So he got a long car ride and a walk cause he was feeling guilty. Yeah, we can read him like a book, and he can work us like a pro.

boy, am I behind!

Sorry for the big time lag, but things happened fast, then slow. First the fast. One evening, on the weekend, I think, mom is telling me that she has unpacked and we're discussing whether dad can take care of Uncle Everett by himself, then the very next day she tells m that she's only waiting on me! I guess she and dad  had talked and he was fine and wanted her to go, and in fact was tickled pink (he likes to say that) that she was going. So I packed up my stuff. Actually, what I couldn't throw into my suitcase I stuffed into plastic grocery bags and threw into my car and we left the next day.

Here's the slow part. We left in the daytime, thinking we'd do what I had done before, drive for a little in the day, then all night. We got off about 4 pm or so and went through Payson, Show Low and Heber. It really was a beautiful drive. The north country is incredibly beautiful right now. I have no regrets about driving in the daytime and seeing it. But after we left it it got, well, bleh. We got to Albequerque and I actually told mom I wanted to stop for the night. 

My brother told me that La  Quinta allows pets, so I told mom I was stopping at a La Quinta, even tho she was telling me about a place she and Sue had stayed. I was holding my ground. Look at that - the first motel we came to. So we checked in and got a ground floor room (my request - I have a dog) and got all set for some sleep. Well mom slept. Ozzy thought this hotel thing was pretty cool cause all he had to do was ask me and he got a walk and a sniff at some new greenery. sigh. Like three  or four times that night. How am I to know which one would be THE one that I would say no to and it would be a disaster?

So we got up just at check out time and started again and I must say, New Mexico along I-40 is UUUUUUUUUUgly. Texas isn't much better. I could tell the instant we got into Oklahoma. The sky was bluer, the air was cleaner, the trees were greener, and the cows had smiles on their faces. 

We got in and kinda crashed, and I just kept crashing. I'm still not quite over it. I sleep at night, get up and talk to mom for a bit, but when I lay down on my own narcotic couch, I'm out for five or 6 hours, then watch a kittle TV and go to sleep again. I have gone out to get groceries (and got caught in a DOWNPOUR - got soaked to the bone - it was great), and Target, but get just exhausted. It means the next day is gone.

The stress test is back on, by the way. I also just got a call from my doctor. I turned in the cd from the er to her, which they couldn't open, but they had them fax the info. The nurse said I had cholelithiasis and they were referring me to a surgeon. I had her spell it for me. Mom and I broke out our computers, one on each side of the dining room table, looking it up on the internet. Not too long afterward, the nurse called back and said that the doctor wanted her to let me know that cholelithiasis was gallstones and I said that I knew cause I looked it up on the internet already. She was surprised and said good for me, and that they weren't going to refer me to a surgeon until I had problems again. Whew - dodged a bullet that time. They're also going to let me have the cd back, so I can play with it now,

Ozzy was glad to have his kitty back and Sheba was glad to be home. Josh and Alex came by to see us when we got home, and brought Sheba. It was so good to see them again. I really missed them both so much. I don't know how many times Alex was at my house, but I know they took good care of it. After Josh and Alex went home Sheba came trotting out and said hi and things are back to normal now. I have Guitar Hero again, including the new Aerosmith version, which I have beat on medium. I like the cool red and white guitar, so I use it now instead of my creaky old one. I think, again, I'm going to have to do more in hard cause most of the songs I've done in Aerosmith are 5 stars.

Heather just called mom to see if she was home and to check up on her. It was good to hear her voice, even through mom's phone, and isn't it just like Heather to be the one to step up like I asked, even though mom is in OK. I keep saying Heather is the heart of the family.

Anyway, that's about it. I talked to Annie, who happened to call on a "bad" day, and I think she really nailed it. She said "of course you're having a hard time - you spent two days driving in the daytime." I never even thought about it. I couldn't figure out why the second day was so much harder than the first, but the majority of both were daytime. I hadn't taken into account that two months later the days were a lot longer and therefore light for that much longer. But, hopefully I'll mend and we'll get to do some of the stuff we have planned. Ahhh, home again, home again.

a new record

   Today I got up at 9 am, stayed awake all day, and went to bed at 10 pm. That is a first for the entire trip. Of course, I don't know when I'm going to go to sleep, but it was interesting, and, also of course, I think we're within three or four days of leaving now. Just when I want to stay awake all night, I have now put myself, for the first time in years, on a completely normal schedule. Ta da.

   I'm feeling pretty good today and I think it's because I'm not going outside and I'm taking a second look at everything I eat. Last night I wasn't feeling well - I fell asleep on the couch in the the afternoon, Ozzy woke me up in the early evening to go out, and I just went to bed, and went to sleep for the rest of the tonight. 

   Speaking of Ozzy, he was a little miffed at me, and although I can see why there would be reasons, I don't know what the exact reason would be. He would literally turn his back on me when I talked to him. I did give him a haircut today on the top of his head. I cut off about 3 inches. He had a mad genius look going when he sneezed.

   So, a slow day, but that's not such a bad thing. I hope for one again tomorrow, unless I can talk Annie into going to a movie with me. This may be my last chance.

what can I say

WalMart. Daytime. Migraine. Duh.

family

   As I said in the last blog this morning, I had trouble sleeping. I didn't actually make it until sometime after 4 pm, and this was the day after getting up in the morning to go shopping. I don't understand it. I called to talk to my doctor, well the nurse, so waiting for the call back was part of it, but, jeez, I only had one Pepsi. 

   I laid down and took a nap, not knowing when I would wake up, but was given my wake up call by Ozzy jumping happily on the bed. Dad has made this room nearly black but I can still tell night from day, and it was still day, so I thought he needed to go out ( I never really know for sure if he's been let out or not - I always assume so, but I don't want to relegate my duties to anyone else). So, I drag myself out of bed and he happily bounces into the dining room to show me that Uncle Everett is eating dinner. Oy. I turn to go back to bed after having a laugh about it with mom and dad, and Ozzy shows me the error of my ways by peeing on the rug (which has already been thoroughly been peed on by Hank when he was getting really old). 

   I couldn't believe it. Mom said, 'Oh, well," like any good grandma, so I picked him up and took him to the spot, put him down  close to it, told him no firmly and took him outside and just cleaned it up, (he actually seemed to be pretty happy to be outside), then I went back into the dining room and stood two feet away from him and called him to come to me. He turned into a little pudding dog and melted into the little space under grandma's chair with his head about an inch off the ground. I didn't raise my voice, but I didn't stop calling, not loudly but firmly, with my hand down, for him to come to me. Inch by very slow inch he made it about half way, so I called it good and picked him up and told him he and done a very bad thing, kissed his head and put him down and he exploded with joy at being loved by me again. The vertical leaps were tremendous. Yeah, do I know discipline or what.

   Since I was up, I decided it was best to stay up, so we watched TV. I asked mom if there was anything good and it's Tuesday so it's America's Got Talent, which we love, so it was worth staying up for. 

   There were two that got to me. One girl was a singer and the child of a broken home who only wanted her father to love her and be proud of her. She sang  I Can't Make You Love Me. The last one they showed was a 9 year old autistic boy who learned, by himself, to communicate with others by singing. Watching his mother watch him sing in front of 20,000 people and communicate so clearly and calmly, knowing he was autistic, brought tears to my eyes.

   All that to say this, by the time I went to bed, which was right after the show was over, I had already cried several times, and was hot, meaning for me feverish, probably from the extended time awake. I called Josh to tell him that the news came today that Dad's test came back just fine - there is no blockage and everything looks good. I couldn't believe it took me that long to remember to tell him. 

   The reason I remembered to call him was that I was thinking that I was homesick. That was going to be my blog for the night - I'm homesick. I know I blather on. If anyone actually gets through everything I write (cause you know I ramble more the more tired I get) I commend you, but tonight that was going to be it. I'm homesick.

   As I talked to Josh, it didn't help, it just made it worse, and I got a little teary, but it was a short conversation cause they were watching a movie. So I got on the computer and checked my e-mail, then checked out my cousin's blog. We've just recently reconnected and she blogs regularly and comments on mine and it's been great catching up, especially now. She's the one who took care of Aunt Lanora, so I feel an especially strong need to keep in close touch with her right now.  

   She had written that they were rearranging their finances so she and their four kids could come down and stay for a month or so and help out, visiting the family at the same time. She would have to rent a car to do it, and bring along her sewing machine to continue her business while she was here in order to make this work.    

   That, of course, just made me cry again, but I told her not to come. As beautiful as the thought and plan is, it's not the right one for this situation. Uncle Everett is upset by noise and chaos and so bringing four children, even though two of them are nearly adults, would probably upset him and the household more than help the situation, and there's not really not room for them here. But it's the most beautiful and thoughtful, and selfless thing... She knows what it's like and wanted to bring her expertise, which would help, but I just thought of what I should have told her on her blog. She knows Alzheimer's, yes, but she knew Aunt Lanora and all her foibles and what she needed and that she would eat all the candy (if I remember right, or was it crackers) so they had to be put in a certain place, and that was valuable information. Dad is like that for Uncle Everett. No one can take the place of Dad - he is Uncle Everett's world. 

   I have been sitting in dad's chair in the living room in the afternoon and so Uncle Everett has taken to calling dad into the office area so the two of them can talk. I told mom today that it's probably because I'm in dad's place and he can't be close to him. I also told mom that now dad knows what it feels like to be a wife, and I was only partly joking. He has to do everything for him, and even if Uncle Everett would allow someone else to do it for him, dad wouldn't let them. He's dad's little brother. Dad will take care of him until he can't, and then he will go to a nursing home.

   But, seeing that Sherry would uproot her family, without really knowing where the resources would come from, in order to help both me, and mom and dad out, just made me cry more, but ... reinforced what I said about my family and their willingness to help. We really are there when the chips are down, as long as the chip on the shoulder isn't too big to see it.

   But I'm still homesick. Mom told me today that she really hadn't been feeling all that well and wasn't sure she was going to go back to Oklahoma with me. That one kinda has me reeling a bit. I wonder why she packed her bag? She has had some horrible experiences with doctors, and really needs a good one. She says that whenever she goes to the doctor they only tell her to lose weight, so she has these symptoms that she tries to diagnose herself because she doesn't want to be embarrassed or humiliated again. I wish I could help her with that one, because that one is endangering her health. She keeps looking for answers in those newsletters that the supplements send out. Anyone out there know a compassionate CIGNA doctor in Maricopa county who is good with people? Her self esteem has taken such a beating that is may literally be the death of her.

  

sigh, I guess I'm done ranting now

   First of all, if you might note the time of the blog, the Pepsi I had yesterday morning when I got back from WalMart to keep me awake the rest of the day obviously did it's job. I've blogged, played Guitar Hero until I can't see or coordinate my fingers to the music (I still kinda can't see), played my favorite game on my spare phone and listened to my iPod, and here I still am. 

   All this time, well, probably not all of it (when my mind wanders, my scores go down in GH); anyway, I keep thinking about the situation here and what I wrote about the family not pitching in. I got a real rant going in my head. I even gave mom a sample of it this afternoon. But, a few minutes ago a much more quiet voice started coming in, and different thoughts started taking over.

   Ours is not a family unwilling to help. I would never have been able to move without the gargantuan skills and hours of able help of all my family. Every one pitched in. Marti was an absolute wizard in the kitchen. There was never any doubt that they would be there, for every little bit that was needed, on either end. So there's a lot of flaw in my condemnation of them, and even though I didn't accuse them to their faces, I ask forgiveness of you that read this that took any of that to heart and were hurt or offended. I was both wrong and out of bounds. I think there is more to this than my stupid rant.

   I think, and this is a new one, and maybe as likely to be as off as the other, that it has to do with mom and dad being mortal. Dad is not infallible. It's hard to see them as the elderly couple they really are. It took me actually hearing, really hearing in my head that dad was nearly 80 and taking care of an Alzheimer's patient and mom. And mom's health hasn't been good for years, but has anyone seen that the only thing she seems to actually be doing around the house is cooking? And that's only because Uncle Everett will eat what she cooks. Dad is hard to live with sometimes because of his stroke, his memory, his temper because of Uncle John and his denial of his weaknesses, and mom thinks (and she's probably right) that no one believes this but her. She's pretty much given up on everything. She has no interests anymore and doesn't even care to try to diet or exercise. Tho she does some shopping, dad does the most. She is 72 years old now, and I don't know who is in more fragile health, really, mentally or physically. 

   That is the picture that struck me, the one that caused me to stay. I can't really blame the family for not seeing that because I've been away for a year and sometimes it takes a little distance to see the truth, or the changes of time. We're talking mortality here. The fact that we may be within a few years of losing one or both of them. That's what I was railing against, I think, not the family. 

   The time will come, one way or another, but we could make it so much easier for them, and we should, but it would mean treating them as elderly. Treating them not like the strong decisive heads of the family as they have always been, but as the declining elders who should be allowed the rest they've earned. Do you realize that mom and dad have taken in Great Grandma, Uncle Chuck and now Uncle Everett, who I am sure will die in their house, during their marriage? Can you imagine that? Not one but three family members have become totally dependent on mom and dad for care that should really be provided by a nursing home but were taken care of by them. When did they ever say no? (Hopefully to Uncle John. I told them if he moves in I'm gone the next day.)

   Anyway, again, I'm sorry for my selfish ranting - I just don't want to lose them any sooner than I have to and every extra stressor takes just that much more of them away. I know we'll lose them, I'll just never be ready.

me and Amy Winehouse

   I'm not liking this new situation I'm living with. I already know that Starbucks is history (I think I hear their stock falling), but I'm still testing to see if I really believe the rest of the paper I kinda glanced at that they gave me as I left the hospital. All I saw was no coffee, really, and something about no fried foods.

   Well didn't dad just go and bring home a big box of apple fritters tonight from Bashas'. He asked me if I wanted one. I told him I couldn't cause they were deep fat fried. Mom admitted that she asked him to get them for her. So they sat there and munched on the DOZEN apple fritters he had gotten. They're very aromatic, you know. Smells really travel. So finally I said, okay, give me one. So they passed me the box and I tried to find one that weighed less than a pound and was smaller than my fist. I finally found one that would sorta pass that test and ate it, and it tasted as good as it smelled.

   However, it didn't taste good enough to pay for the cramps and etc it's caused me. Now I've got Amy Winehouse's song going through my head, only in my version it's "I don't wanna eat that donut, No No No!!!" (to the tune of "I Don't Wanna Go To Rehab" - you  either get it or you don't).

   Today was a huge day - it was the day the new Guitar Hero finally came out. I have already prepaid for it so in case there was a huge run on it I wouldn't have to go looking for it like I did at Christmas. That was just nuts. Only my copy is waiting for me in Moore. Great. And so is my XBox. I got up early (for me) today and mom and I went shopping and then went to Game Stop and talked to them about it. There really wasn't anything they could do about it. He mentioned the DS Lite version and I snorted in derision and he said actually it was kinda cool and showed it to me, and I came home with the limited edition DS Lite and Guitar Hero for it. Mom has a DS she would probably let me use, but for god's sake, it's pink with sparklies on it! Oh, the humanity!!!

   So, after the DS was charged I put the Guitar Hero piece on, grabbed my pick (that's so cool) and actually got to play (I weep tears of joy and relief). I had to put it down after about, well, I actually don't know how long I play before I put it down, but I play until I can't see or move my hands well any more, then I take a break. In this, it's better for me than regular Guitar Hero, forcing me to take breaks much sooner.

   It's got great songs on it, some I know, some I don't, some from the GHs of the past (there's an entire section with some on my most favorites) and some really great new ones. Really good choices they made. I'm excited. I'm getting usually 3 stars, but I have gotten two 5 star songs so far. I'm going through on easy first, cause this is really weird and taking a while to get used to, but it's perfect for the situation I'm in.

   I'm so happy.